hate the feeling
by Fictonallyinlove
Summary: I sighed. yet again Liz was going to torment me to the fullest extent of her reach. i, after all, was only there to be the school punching bag. so why didn't the new kid start too? he actual defended what was left of my broken and smashed pride. he actual begun trying to pick up the pieces of my shattered soulless heart and put them back together..but why?( Maka's Point of view!)
1. Chapter 1

_**The days pass me by**_

_**So fast that its all just a blur **_

_**I don't hear or feel anything i'm oblivious to pain**_

_**I just wish for-**_

_****_ " hey fucktard, i was talking to you... where the fuck is Ox he has my homework." Liz screeched into my face.

"i Don't know, I'm not that fools keeper." I retorted back to her. She grabbed my hair and slammed my face into the desk, ouch.

" Don't talk to me like that bitch! Ohhhh theres Ox You got lucky, whore." she said as she ran off to Ox for last nights homework.

I rubbed my nose only to find blood spurting out of my nose and onto the poem i was working on_. Ok maka this is going to hurt a little _i told myself as i wretched my nose into its rightful place.

" Damn that must have hurt." commented Kidd, my best friend.

i smiled and grabbed a tissue to wipe up the blood." it feels better then looking at her face." i spit out making kid laugh.

" Well then, you must be having a good morning, right? ." Kidd said sarcastically. " Fanfuckingtastic kidd, i love it when my face gets slammed into desk and shit " i said rolling my eyes. he laughed.

" well ... shit Dr. stein is here ." he fell silent as the teacher rolled in on his office chair only to fall on the ground when he tried to go through the door. he looked up at his students his gaze unchanging as he turned the screw dail on his head. " good morning students." he stated with his flat unchanging voice. all the students said good morning together. my mind drifted back to the poem i was writing fuck there was blood all over it i'll have to start all over. i turned over the note book to the next clean page and started all over.

**Life is a tragedy,**

**it can only end in loss**

**the wings we use to reach our dreams rust and end up making us fall**

**if i could i would end this tragic story soon **

****" Miss Albarn (srry if not right) why aren't you following along in your book." a fat lazy tone called up to her.

"because , umm im umm taking notes.." i bit my bottom lip in hopes he would believe my story.

i couldn't read his expression because of the way his glass cought the light. " Let me see the "notes" then Miss. Albarn ." i bowed my head in defeat as i walked down the steps i felt death glares on the back of my head as i went.

" weird Miss Albarn there seems to be only a poem on here.." he was cut short when some one in the clas shouted " Read it out loud." and following the outbreak people giggled a little. and to much of my dismale he started to read it out loud.

** " Life is a tragedy **

**it can only end in loss**

**the wings we use to reach our dreams rust and ed up making us fall**

**if i could i would end this tragic story soon..."**

****i heard snicking and some one yelled " please do!" and the whole class erupted in laughter. i felt a tear run down my cheek and i ran out of the room. i felt like dying right then and there. " Maka , maka! wait up!" I stopped with my head down until i felt the warm arms of my best friend wrap around me. he held me as i let all my tears fall in the middle of the hall mummered softly " shhh shh i promise i won't let any of them hurt you." i looked up at him tears still filled my eyes " really.." "really " he held me as we softly walked off of the school grounds to his mansion.


	2. Park?

thank you for that one follow,*cough* 888deaththekid888 , anyway might as well post for my own amusement!

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"Kidd, why are we going to your house, i kinda want to go home... and just be by my self after what happened..." i trailed off hoping he got the message i was send him. he seemed obvious to what i was sending him . " nonsense, and maka," he turned to me his golden eyes shining like the creepy laughing sun boiling above us. " maka no matter what everyone says i don't want you ending your life... you have been my best and only friend since... Lord death knows when. and if you leave me in this fucking world, i swear to Lord death i will come too heaven or hell and drag your sorry ass back here... sorry, i got forceful you just mean more to me then you'll ever know..." by then i was tuning him out. he was rambling on about how much i mean to him and the world and i would have none of it!

i looked around the sorry excuse for a park and spotted my favorite thing in the whole freaking world the swing set. i looked over at the rambling kidd. i need to ditch dis fool for the swing sets over there. thought and thought then IDEA. "kid," i asked in a sweetest voice i could muster in my bad mood."i parched can you run a head a get me a water... i want to hang out on dis bench." i pointed to an out of shape blue bench that sat across form me and him. he nodded the replied" what ever to get you out of this stupid funk ." and toke off running toward the vender on the corner. BULLS EYE , swing sets here i come. i skipped over to my favorite seat it the house and got on it. i doesnt matter is your 2 or 82 as long as there is a swing near by you got a smile on your face.

i looked around the empty park. huh no one in sight , i remember when me and kidd where kids here playing when we were little...

~~~~~flashback BOOOOOOYYYYYYYEYYYY~~~~~~~

4 _year old maka was playing on the bench at the park with her doll as kidd crept up on her. " what are you doing, your not playing with dolls are you?" he made a stink face and a mad maka respond to his taunt " are you playing with your invisible friends." she struck a nerve , he sweatdropped, and said " twosha whats you name, mine, is Kidd" maka looked at him weirdly and commented " i know your a kid, and my name is maka." he yet again sweatdropped " nooo my name is Kidd" she made an o' face . "wanna go play?" he shook his head yes and they took off towards the swings.._

_~~~~end of flashback ~~~~~_

i caught sight of her favorite climbing oak and raced towards it. i climbed up the first branch when i caught sight of a shadow moving around at the top of the tree. instigating the movement i got closer to the shadow . as soon as i took a step towards the moving shadow out popped a boy with blue hair. he smiled cockily at the stunned me. " soooo what is a flower like you doing up here? have you come to greet your god?!"


	3. flower

**tank you for that 1 more follow peeps i added blair as cat because everyone puts her as a human so yeah-cindy**

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" don't call me flower and i didn't come to met my ''god'' i didn't even know you where up here you wierdo." i commented as i jumped down from the tree and landed gracfully on my feet. Only to be followed by the blue haired boy." im not a wierdo im Black*star the god of gods!" he shouted into my face. i was done talking to him "bye Black*star." i said stifly hopeing to lord death he would just go the fuck away. " Don't go a pretty flower like you should at least get to hang out with your god!" again stright into my face. " Im good" i said and walked off to the tiny shape of a confused Kidd. but the Black*star keeped following and talking for that matter " Why not im perfect and everyone wants to be by me" i ignored the guy . " anyways are you going to Acmedy? i am, i got put into class, do you know him is he nice?" i sweatdropped and this guy is going to be in my class to. ohh well at least hell find out im a nerd and leave me alone.  
" yeah yeah and is a scary person." i answered he seemed happy by this . " Kidd-sun hey sorry to make you wait but i got caught up talking to this doofus." i pointed to the idoit behind me shouting on about how he was a god or somthing like that. " its alright i just got sc-" he got cut off by the muttering idoit " ARE YOU DATING FLOWER! " i sweatdropped great i now have the nicname of flower. kidd sweatdropped to " aaaaaaaa no she is just my best friend .." he trailed off just as uncomfertable as me.  
" alright Black*star , uhuuhh me and kid have to go home now.." i trailed off i really didn't want to be mean. but he looked sad then said" see you at school tomorrow flower!" then ran off. and kid just laughed " looks like someone just met there soul mate." i just glared at him trying to put all my anger into.  
~~~~~time skip~~~~  
Sigh. yet again i found out on facebook that everyone has been saying shit about me. like im a whore. that i left school early to go kill myself, and that me and kidd where fucking each others brains out right now. what the fuck , i mean im ok with poeple making fun of me but when kid got in this shit awww fuck naw they better get outa my way. but of course this was all talk i could never really stand up to them just get mad then cry thats my state of mind when they start messing with me. i walked into my bathroom well might as well get ready for bed it was like 10' oclock. i toke a shower and stuff . when i came across this shiny peice of metal. upon closier examinasion in was a razor. it looked quite delightful and inviting instead of the cold metal razor it was. I put it to my wrist ooo, it gave me a thrill the more pressure i put on it. i did i quik slicing motion and a scarlet line appeared until it started to ooze into a little waterfall into the sink. i got a little light headed but i felt in love with silver razor.i cleaned up the cut and the counter that had a little splashes of blood every where . i bandged up my arm i mean no use letting it get infected, right? i got cozy into my bed snuggling my favorite bumblebee pillow pet.i whispered to him" i love you " but the only replie was the sound my dead beat father walking into the frount door sluring something to the cheap whores he brought home that night.  
i acted asleep as my father opened my door to cheak on me then whisper " i love you maka." i could smell the liqour coming from him as he half fell half shut my door. sigh. was this really my life bullied at school and at home a dead beat father is all that there. oh and also my pillow pet and blair my cat. speak of the devil, she came up to me and snuggled into the curve in my legs. "i love you blair,'' all i got in return was a ppur but thats ok with me. and thats the last thought i have as i drift into a deep sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

ty for all the follows makes me fell great!

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Who would have guessed it? The boy from the park was actual in my class did that mean I would to have to put up with more of his shit? I sat down in my usual place in the front corner next to the huge window that over looked the school garden. I sighed; this was the only good part of school. I felt my heart flutter just a bit when Soul Evans passed me by. I shut that feeling out quickly; I had no time for crushes, even more so on boys like Soul Evans. My seat stood empty next to me like it always did when Kidd didn't come to school or to school on time. I brought out my book, all the lovely bad ones, it was one of the smaller books I check out but I was drawn to it by the title.

For me it stated that even through you're bad you're still as lovely as you can be because you're yourself. Although I didn't have to tell you what it meant to me I still feel like it held out a certain importance to the story at hand, my story. I was deep in my story when I felt someone sit on my desk, at first I thought it was kidd and I was fully prepared to smack him with my book and tell him to get off my desk. When I looked up I nearly jumped outa my skin when I saw it was that kid from the park smiling wickedly down at me.

" Hi there Flower." He kept grinning at me and it was starting to creep me out. "Err hi … Person..." I totally forgot his name I knew that he told me but I wasn't really listening. "How could you forget your god's name!? Whatever I'll tell you again! I'm Black*star the world's greatest assassin!" he shouted playfully and everyone looked in my direction I sunk into my seat face turning a bright shade of red. I thanked heaven and hell that at that moment kid walked into the class and took the seat right next to me. I waved hello at him and looked at him like 'please get this guy off of me'.

The only thing that I got from Kid seating next to me was Black*star yelling at him "Why are you sitting there?! your god was going to seat there!" both me and kid sweatdropped and gave each other glances like 'wtf'. Just as I was going to say something Arachne came up and twirled her hair and looked seductively at Black*star and spoke nice and soft" What are you doing her hanging out with the nerds? You should be hanging out with us." She pointed at the group across the room that contained all the people that ever hurt me.

He looked at me then at her. I hoped that he would just pick her and leave me alone but to my surprise, he shook his head no" You all look like a bunch of bitches. I'm ok over here with the real people." She looked shocked then composed herself "Well you know where to find us. If you get bored of these … nerds" Then she sent me a death glare. Yet again I sweat dropped. I knew that something bad was going to happen to me after school. I was deep in thought when black*star leaned over to me and softly said" Ill Protect you." I scared the living hell out of me because I didn't know he was right there. Out of my frantic moment I fell out of my chair and onto the cold hard ground. I Heard laughter all around me. I turned bright red again. I picked myself off the floor and walked out of the room. I know that it was something simple but tears ran down my face. I felt hurt that he would embarrass me so much in front of all those people. And all of my peers, now they have even more ways to make fun of me.

I wiped my tears and ran into the bathroom; it wasn't even 8:00 and im already in tears this was going to be fanfuckintasic day. I cleaned myself up and toke a couple deep breaths when the girls I dreaded night and day walked in. They snickered and I backed away from the girls and ran into the sink. Arachne was the first to speak" Hello… Geek." I laughed to myself, was that the best she could come up with?'' h-he-hello." I tried to act scared because that's what they wanted and I would only get hurt more if I acted unafraid. I knew for a fact that I could beat every girl in here because of my karate lessons that I have been getting since I was five. I have been the best in the class for five years, but they didn't know that and I it made me feel better that no one knew that. It let me fade into the background easier.

" I saw you hitting on the new kid and He has been claimed by Kim." She pointed to the pink haired girl with an angry expression on her face. "So back away from him or else." She held up her hand and made it into a fist. So that was what all this was about the wanted Black*star, well they can have him! " ohh so-sor-rr-y I didn't know he was your." They nodded to each other then kim came out no were and slamed my head into the sink leaving me on the floor a small pool of blood gathering around the wound I got on my forhead. The last thing I saw before I blacked out was Arachne's smug smile as she waved bye to me and walked out the door…..


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry for not posting in forever I got caught up in my other 3,000 stories but for now only this one matters..

It felt as if my eyes were getting fogged up. I tried hard to blink it away but it always stayed on the corners of my vision. Again I blinked and tried to sit up; it made my head pound and my vision to be reduced to a few dots of color in a sea of black. I held my head and groaned and was soon met by a looming figure over my bed. I screamed and terror filled my mind until I heard a soft but strong voice mummer " Shhhh, its ok you safe. I promise I won't let anything happen to you."

I knew that voice from somewhere, but I can't put my pale finger on it. " who- are you." I managed to say but my head still pounded.

The black figure moved his hand across my head in a rubbing motion. " It doesn't matter…"

At that time my vision came back to me and I saw who was rubbing my head and screamed once again." Black*star!" he nodded and sat down in the chair next my hospital bed, which for the first time I noticed. "so you finally remembered my name." he smirked and strangely I found myself blushing.

" Your lucky that some girl found you in the bathroom you might not have made it." There was a ghastly angry fragment in his stone cold voice . I looked at my fingers and fiddled with it to try and keep myself from making eye contact with his green eyes. She hoped he wouldn't notice how much just then she was smitten by his smile his eyes and the way his voice portrayed that he really cared for him.

" Maka… who did this to you." He asked me as he gently guided her chin so I faced looking him in the eyes. " It doesn't matter. What's done is done… "I heard him growl and he got stiffly and he got up and walked to the wall. When he reached the wall he punched it it almost looked like the wall rippled before it shattered forming a giant hole. " Black*star! Who is going to clean that up!?"

The bluenette growled then slide to the floor and whispered " what kind of God am I If I can't protect even you."

"what was that?" I asked my eyes glazed with confusion.

" I said what kind of god am I if I can't even take care of you! I am supposed to surpass god but I can't even keep one person safe!" rage and grief and sadness gripped his voice and I felt rage well up in her.

"Black*star!" he snapped his head towards me. "what." He snapped back.

" stop crying on the floor like a little bitch and man up! Shit happens! Just because you couldn't save me doesn't mean you're not destined to be a god!" his eyes glowed with warmth as he looked up at me. I shyly smiled back and he got up and walked over to me.

"Did you mean that?" he asked hope glittering like stars in his green eyes. I nodded. His wide smile became a blush as he bent his head down towards me. he got closer to my lips and I could feel his minty soft breath hit the side of my mouth. I was hungry for him and his eyes showed that he felt the same, just as our lips were about to touch for the first time kid came bursting in the door.

" Hey Maka I –" he stopped dead in his tracks as he saw me and black*star blushing heavily and Black*star was still leaning over me. " uhhhh I think I found the wrong room." He said his face a bright red color. " Kidd! Come back its ok." I smiled weakly as he came back in.

Black*star stretched his arms behind his head and walked towards the door. " uh, Bye Maka… I'll.. uh see you at school." I nodded to him and murmured " see you at school."

Kidd looked down at me a gaint gummy worm had a bow on it and he handed it to me " I thought you would like it but I didn't realize that black*star already bet me to the gift giving." He gave me a wink and I burst out laughing, well until my father came into the room.

" Maka~! Papa came as soom as he heard! How are you!? Is kidd treating you right?! Kidd!" his eyes and body snapped to Kidd." You let my maka get hurt! I will make you pay! And Maka, don't forget Papa loves you the most!" I rolled my eyes and said to him ice in my voice. " As if I'll ever consider you my father."

His pupils shattered and he stood still for a heart beat before falling to the floor crying. " Maka~! But Papa loves you!"

He pulled out this creepy doll he made off me and started to hum and sing too it in the corner. " God I have a weird Papa." Kidd nodded in agreement as we stared at the grown-man cry in the corner with a stuffed doll of me. " Yup… you got a crazy family."


	6. return to the schoolyard?

**Chapter 6~back to the school yard?~**

I kept my eyes close to the ground avoiding any contact of any kind with the people surrounding the hallways. I could feel the stared into me as I kept my hood up, I had actual fractured my head open and they had to shave off all of my precious blonde hair, leaving me bald and stiches running across my head. I heard the giggles and whispers surrounding me as I continued walking, I wore baggy sweat pants and a rather large sweatshirt to hide myself from the world, only there was one person that I couldn't hide myself from… make that two.

I accounted in my head as black*star strolled up to me and gave me a hug out of the blue, catching me off guard.

"Why did you do that black*star?" I asked coldly without looking up. I could almost feel the confusion in his eyes.

I heard him sigh and he picked up my hand and rubbed it with his thumb. "Because someone needed to give you a hug. Why are you wearing that hood? I can't see your eyes underneath that hood." He stated and he tried to remove the hood I swatted him away from it not even bothering to look up.

" You don't get it I can't take this hood off… not here not now…" my breath caught in my throat as I felt Black*star lift up the hood swiftly leaving my head exposed to the world. I heard laughter and gasps around me but the worst of all I heard the snapping of phones taking pictures of me. Tears welded up in my eyes and I looked up at black*star, his expression unreadable, I ran. I ran until I could run no more and hid in the woods that encircled our city.

I sat there for a long time huddled in my knees hugging them for dear life. It seems as through since I met black*star nothing has gone right. Nothing at all, it was his fault I was bald right now, why did he have to start to take a liking to me, why not Kim like a normal person. I fell asleep still cuddled deep into my knees unaware of the crunching of boots meeting dead leaves slowly making their way towards me.

I awoke in my bed. The starry night just outside my window I sighed, it was all just a horrible dream. I stifled back a yawn and entered my living room only to find a worried Black*star sitting alone on the couch staring into nothing. I waved my hand in front of him Black*star. He snapped his head and gaze towards me.

"Maka! You're ok! I was so worried, I thought your head had something to do with you out cold in the forest I was going to take you to the hospital but I didn't have a car and your house was closer, I am so sorry I should ha—" he was cut off when I put my finger to his mouth quieting him.

" Soo, it wasn't a dream…" I almost floated like a ghost over to the mirror, what greeted me made me start to cry all over again. There I was looking back at myself in the mirror I had a long stitched up scar over my skull leading back to right above my eye. My head was bare except for the stubbles of hair that were growing out like play-dough in a noodle maker toy.

Black*star made his way over to me worry clearly in his eyes. " You ok Maka?"

I looked over to him fear and sadness clearly written on my face." Of course not! I look like I came straight from a fucking horror movie! How could this happen to me. I can't show myself anywhere I'll be the laughing stalk of the world! I'll need to buy a wi—"I was cut off by black*star's lip crushing into mine. It was sweet, minty and made me feel a little better like when I was in his strong arms nothing could hurt me. Then it ended, I whined a bit under breath but he couldn't hear me.

" Maka, I love you and if people can't get past the fact that your bald and have stitches then screw them! They don't deserve you anyways. I don't care and doubt Kid will care too." That's when I burst into tears into his arms. I fell onto him and let myself go in-between sobs I said to him " I … love… you… too…" I clung into him deeper and sobbed the night away. He rested his head on mine and patted my back softly.

" shhhhh…. Shhhhhh it's ok Maka. I'm here. Nothing will hurt you while I am around." He constantly murmured to me until I fell into a deep sleep on him…

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Good … no? I thought what would happen if that hit she received caused them to shave her hair off to stich it up? Would Black*star still love her? How would she deal with it? And dis chapter 6 was born. I thank you for all the follows and comments keep in up guys :D

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